We feel like we’re back in 5th grade playing “Where in the World is Carmen San Diego” instead of doing our math homework on a boring Thursday afternoon. Who is Kelsey Horton? Something’s fishy about her, and we know you all agree.
First off, there is a lot of drama over how old she is. All of her friends on Twitter swear that she just turned 15, while someone else tells us that she’s actually 16 and going in to her sophomore year of high school. Hmm, something’s up, and we don’t know what, or who, to believe.
Her Twitter friends say she’s never flashed Ryan or Chaz, or anyone for that matter, while there’s allegedly a picture of her topless. We couldn’t discern her face for sure though, and we weren’t going to look at the picture long enough to try, so we’re not sure on that one. However, we hear that she’s sent Chaz dirty pictures and flashed Ryan. So much for that. On the positive side, she’s on her way to becoming a Playboy Bunny like she wants! And once she becomes a Playboy Bunny she can meet Miley Cyrus and turn her into a lesbian, since we hear Miles has a bit of a thing for girls too.
If you Google “Kelsey Horton” things will come up about her dating Justin Bieber and being from Ontario, when she’s actually only met Justin once, briefly, “hates” him, and is from Texas.
We also are overwhelmed by how blatantly she’s advertised how she drinks on her formspring. We’re sorry, but last time we checked, drinking when you’re 14 does not make you anything special, and neither does hanging out with people multiple years older than you. You don’t even have a driver’s permit, and you supposedly just finished “middle school”, yet you like to drink? We have a lot of fun too, and we’re not saying partying is bad at all, but when you’re 14, there’s other things you could, and should, be doing. Double-fisting before you even start high school is going to end you up nowhere quick, and more than likely in some compromising situations. Now, if you’re actually 16, that’s a little different. At least you’re not still practicing writing haiku’s in your 8th grade English class…but you just turned 15, right?
So is Kelsey a fun-loving 15 year old going into her freshman year of high school? Or is she a shady 16 year old who lied about her age to befriend Chaz? Which is it? You tell us. Good luck at becoming a Playboy Bunny Kelsey, and we hope you can hold your liquor. If you can’t, our advice to you is to just blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. That’s always a good excuse.